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I want my mother to know
She gets closer every hour.
The desk is covered with pages, and
for months, collecting a house full.
I turn the room over, and every corner is shone with night lights
The host is scattered and white, pieces of looseleaf torn years ago
And on them scribbled numbers, names,
More often than not underneath a calculator, a watch, a wire,
Under a fork, a letter, a box, all once strewn on top of a desk.
These are all saved; found in disorder.
Things that have not been used, or
Broken things with missing parts.
They can see inside the open blinds,
and while it is calming to be behind the window covers,
I long for a traveler to point up here,
Wave to whoever doesn’t know, and
Tell them.
Tell them I am awake in a room open to the
winter.
Brought in with subtle strength.
The door squeaks, they can hear me from inside,
And they know.
I look for hours (I’ll tell you some day),
How days with open windows never end.
The impatient will rest, and
the good smell of young grass and morning wet,
They are here with you.
Tell them how much I will miss her
Come from the southwest and pass through this dust.
Clear this air, drift out this smoke.
Tell them what she said, and how long the hours were.
Tell them I love them too,
And tell them what is between the blinds.
Please, wind, blow in my favor this night,
Move through like a ghost
Before the snow melts, a calming soot to ease this worry.
But the wind’s answer blows through the city,
No! From uptown instead, and smoke fills the room
Swirling backwards with the gust
And it is steady and certain.
In, in, in, the room is frozen.
One more breath, for the one who is missing,
Another, for the one who will leave,
And for the friend who I loved—
one long breath to be held until the air is finished.
The room swims in air, dragging cold through burning leaves
Through the windows, the room flitters with northern breath
This air passed where she slept, through a room, and through rooms where people
sleep,
And over closed eyes, a piece of her last laugh dances with the stubborn
autumn’s twisting air
Breathed… in… and out… and now scattering.
I want my mother to know
This, too, will pass
Through people who sleep, through lungs, and trees, through rooms, through
winter, summer, silent and see-through
This, too, will be lived
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